Crystal Bowersox Saved By Grace

...in a rut

…isn’t it funny that when we are in a rut…for whatever reason…it affects the rest of our life….our life suffers…..we get to the place when we drudge thru everyday thinking that life is miserable….we start to think there is no hope for change…..so being in a rut is like a snow ball rolling down the hill…it gathers more & more till it consumes you…..

…the tricks our minds play on us….they get all jammed up in a certain pattern of thinking…like a broken record…we keep hearing the voices in our head repeating negative thoughts…..settling on one way of thinking eventually closes out minds…..our same tired thoughts  & beliefs narrow down our thought processes & we get stuck….we get stuck on what we think in our minds the way things should be…how things are suppose to work out…

…we all know what happens when we repeat these patterns & behaviors….they get us nowhere….which actually leads us back to where we initially started..in a rut.  Getting mentally stuck in a rut keeps us from enjoying the growth life has to offer…we get frustrated & pissed when we finally realize that nothing is changing…

…frustration…anger …depression play a huge role on our physical health…over eating…not sleeping..lack of interest in sex..etc..etc..etc…we become off-kilter…mental & emotional imbalance…..we have all been there…I  think I am there right now…..I think mine comes from fear..fear of the unknown.

…I have read Eckhart Tolles books….I think maybe I need to reread to get myself in check…..he says our minds are tools that help us solve our problems & create solutions…our thoughts are choices to help us navigate from one situation to another….when we allow our minds to get caught in overdrive…like being stuck in the past ..or worrying about the future…..our thoughts can embed themselves & infect our minds therefore emanating in our lives through our emotions & behaviors.

…..most of our internal thoughts are self criticism..judgments…delusions….assumptions and imaginary situations….the questions is how do you let them go…stop listening to them….are we defined by our thoughts?  Should we define ourselves by our thoughts?  ..if that is so then I am here to tell you I am one crazy overweight good for nothing whacked out middle aged droopy boobed bitch…..

…..stopping the constant noise in our minds takes awareness & dedication to relax…so much easier said than done….moving forward truly means allowing our minds to live in the present…..

…getting unstuck is a process…remembering our truest state of freedom…letting go of self imposed….self created limitations…..being kinder ..less judgmental with ourselves….its a battle…a mental & spiritual batter worth fighting ….its takes dedication & sell awareness to break those negative habits & patterns…….to create the self we were born to be.

Superfly - The Bird Without Wings

.....so worth a look see....

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. – Author Unknown

…did you say Glam-ma??

…seems like all of my friends are now grandmothers….their babies are having babies…some of their grand-babies are old enough to have babies…. Its so hard to believe.   I became a grandma almost 4 yrs ago to an adorable little girl…unfortunately my step son &  baby mama #1 did not marry…luckily we do have a relationship with our granddaughter….however it saddens me to say we have been somewhat laced in seeing her..When she was younger we saw her each month…but like all families issues arise…and we haven’t seen her in awhile..Over a year…the good news….we are working to schedule a visit…. I am very excited to see her.

 

….my second granddaughter will be two in the fall…..her mama married my step son…which I am so very happy… my daughter in law is an extraordinary young lady and an awesome mom…..my granddaughter is beautiful…again….saddened by the fact we don’t have the opportunity to see them…once actually.  My daughter in law is a sailor in the US Navy…she is currently getting ready for a deployment….the baby is staying with her parents on the west coast…my counterpart – the other grandmother seems like a wonderful woman..We have not met..But she posts numerous pictures & videos for all to view…..she is truly a great woman…keeping up in the loop.

 

..as a child I have fond memories of my grandma….for the first several years of my life I saw here almost every day…she lived very close to us…both here & my grandpa were part of our everyday life…I can’t imagine it any other way….during my teen years…with all that my teens years had to offer I saw less & less of my grandparents…I guess at that point I couldn’t be bothered….later as a young adult I was so wrapped up in my life I did not make my grandparents a priority…which kinda upsets me know when I think about it….there is so much I would have liked to have learned about my grandparents…

 

 

..it’s hard for me to think of myself as a grandma…don’t get me wrong..I love being a granny….I just am not sure how to feel about myself being a grandma..maybe it is an age thing….I don’t know…all I know is it is amazing to see my son’s little ones……its warms your heart.   I so want to be a good glam-ma…..

 

 

 

Martina McBride - Teenage Daughters

....cool mom

….I don’t really remember if I thought my mom was a cool mom or not….as a teen I remember sitting on the arm of the chair telling her all about my day..all the funny things that happened with me & my gal pals…..I remember having friends over & having parties at our house….I never really thought about my mom being a cool mom or not….

 

..there is a turning point when every parent feels less important in their kid’s day to day activities…they get busy with their own activities & interests…they just don’t seem to want us moms around…after all those years of tending to their every whim…its like suddenly – wham..they don’t need you around anymore…at least not in front of their friends…lol…I think its hard for moms to understand their kids as individuals..find a way to stay involved in their lives …being as cool a mom as possible….I think it is one of the most important & pivotal…complicated parts of mommy hood.

 

…I am sure all kids are different…I can only speak from my experiences with both a step son & a daughter..who are completely different in many many ways.  Its funny how being a cool parent means leaving then kids alone…allow they their own space….be a silent partner who hears everything….pays attention…..but always acts clueless…..a cool mom knows her kids act as it they don’t need her…in actuality they are needed the most….kids may look like they are not listening or watching ..but you know they are….they are like sponges.

 

…..cool moms don’t stop disciplining because they are afraid that their kid with hate them for a moment….cool mom remain stringent in the values they have instilled early on…kids need parents not friends…being a parent is the most important job a person will ever have…as our kids grow up it is only natural that they grow away from us..no matter how heartbreaking that is..its it a fact of life….it’s what nature intended…keeping them under our wing only clips their wings…..which is exactly what I don’t want to do to my kids….I am not saying set the kids free without boundaries…I am saying give kids room to move & learn who they are……

 

..if we play are cards right  at this stage of mommy-hood…..we might just forge a friendship that goes well beyond the umbilical cord & repays us with endless love & understanding for the rest of our lives…..to me there is no other alternative.. not an option…….someday I will look back & say what an amazing person I helped to grow into this world…..there is nothing cooler than that! That’s a cool mom!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Christina Perri - Arms (Official Music Video)

…love language….

..is it the same in  relationship….do we love others the way we want them to love us?  …seems to be so much miscommunication in our relationships…are we loved the way we need to be loved…or do you love your partner the way he or she needs love?  I just thought love was love…oh yea..there’s friendship love…family love…romantic love…even lust love – bow chicka bow wow……….turns out there are 5 languages of love….. a friend told me about some book & how interesting it was…so I thought – time for me to learn a new love language…….I am not talking about a new position..however…lol

…we all want our relationships to sparkle…we want our hearts to sing….we all want to receive the love we desire…in the way we need to be loved….if you receive the wrong type of love….you may feel empty and unwanted…we have all been there….miscommunication or lack of communication causes conflict….the golden rules of any relationship is to be kind & humble….plus respect…..the hardest & most important one…which…in my relationships has always come back to bite me in the ass time after time…..not to judge our partner based on our own expectations….we are individuals with different personalities…..

…so I was reading about the 5 languages of love by Dr. Gary Chapman…his theory is pretty interesting..there are 4 key way of showing love & every one of us has a preference for what makes us feels most loved…knowing & understanding the love languages will help each of us to communicate with our partner in a non-judgmental  way..

1      Quality time….this is your love language if you like eye contact…deep & meaningful conversations..shared activities….you feel the need to bond.

2     Receiving gifts….this is your love language if you like little love gifts & surprises…a constant showering of items that represent the love  you share.

3     Words of affection…..this is your love language if you like  giving & receiving constant compliment, sweet love notes & lots of encouragement….those who speak this language are sensitive & don’t take criticism well

4     Physical touch…..this is your love language if you like affection….touchy-feely….sex is so much more than sex….it’s a way to connect…if denied….you may feel unloved.

5     Acts of service….this is your love language if you find pleasure in doing things for other people…to be done out of love not obligations. 

…so which one to you speak?  What about your partner?  Don’t assume you know…maybe talk to your partner….if you know your partner’s  love language…and your partner knows yours….think of how awesome your relationship could be….

Maybe check out the book The Five Love Languages   by Dr. Gary Chapman.

 

 

 

Christina Perri - A Thousand Years (Official Music Video)

...one more ending

……ya know how when you know something is about to end & you don’t want it to end...but it’s out of your control..you know it’s going to come to an end…the only thing you can do is grin & bear it….I find myself in that oh so familiar situation…again….and again…..I appear to be  the eternal optimist…however on the inside I am completely wacked.

 

…my life choices have lead me down a path of always saying good bye..friends…homes…locations…ways of life…and yes jobs…..all with a smile on my face and a tear in my eye…..change is hard….some would say how lucky I am to have experienced all I have…while others would say they could never live this way…..me…..I don’t know…..I have so enjoyed every experience…I have been lucky to have met wonderful friends…..as far as work experience…take a look at my resume..lol

regina spektor - Fidelity (Video)

…why is it so hard to love yourself???

…if you love yourself..you have the key to living a happy & balanced life.  I have blogged about self love many times …not in a sexual way..that’s a completely different blog…lol…..learning to love yourself is critical for personal happiness..Accepting the true you..miracles happen….you feel at peace with yourself…you are better able to balance life around you. It sounds easy….so why is it so hard?

…I can only speak from my own life experiences….for the most part I have developed habits to protect myself…to comply with others expectations…..for a very long time.. I received messages from significant others in my life that I am not good enough…or smart enough..or sexy enough….fear & avoidance became the essence of my life as I tried to survive …how could I love myself if I couldn’t even view myself as lovable?

…I know I know…every person on the planet is lovable….logically I understood….emotionally I could fathom being “enough” of anything.  I do believe we all have a unique purpose & reason for being on this earth…to find out what that is exactly is a lifelong journey…you might as well learn to love yourself along the way… one thing I know for sure ..believe me it is easier said than done….if you want to change something in your life such as your perception of yourself..it takes courage to  welcome the fear of change….and dare to imagine that you are Good Enough!

Natasha Bedingfield - Unwritten (US Version)

…a journey worth traveling….

…a few years ago I must have read or heard something about each of us having our own personal truth…I have  thought about it off & on for a while…still not completely sure I understand or even know what my personal truth is……but I have to say the journey is well worth it….destination…truth.  I would think each of us have our own way of exploring and or location our destination…I think its about figuring out the simplest way to experience truth for life….to me it’s a never ending journey as I evolve from being a kid where we are thrilled to seek what we want and speak our truth freely & without thought or concern……to adulthood where we kinda tuck our authenticity away to conform to what society expects.

The older I get the more I believe in the importance of moving towards my truth….after all happiness is about living an authentic life…..being true to ourselves….being who we are & making choices without fear…trusting in our soul’s wisdom..trusting in ourselves.

'I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning to sail my ship.'

~ Louisa May Alcott

Tattoo (Speer Version)

...play time for couples.....

…is it true?

…couples that play together stay together???? Fun!  I have blogged about couples who have fun before…but I thought that today of all days – Vday I would rethink & revisit….. there are way too many couples who after being married for a while – almost 19yrs in our case…..stop dating each other..forget to enjoy each other & forget to have fun….I have to admit after I had my daughter my life was my daughter….what husband???...I am sorry to say that’s how I felt….in actuality….my hubby & I never dated….we met – shared a few laughs…had a great sex….go married & moved to Hawaii…..a few months later I was prego….we married each other without really knowing each other….let me tell you it has been a rocky bumpy road…but  19yrs in March.

..I have read that when couples have fun dating activities…together….it’s great for their head..heart & spirit…its does wonders for their blood pressure and of course their sex life…wooo hooo.  Enjoy a good laugh together..after all laughter is the nectar of the gods….tap into that playful child within & enjoy your time together…you don’t have to take yourself or life quite so seriously. Even though we are older in years..it doesn’t mean we have to grow older in our hearts….I want to keep that childlike play inside me forever….so give yourself a break…take time for what every day brings…live a life free of regret & with as much joy…fun…and laughter you & your partner can stand……

 

Life is to be enjoyed, not simply endured. Pleasure and goodness and joy support the pursuit of survival.

-Williard Gaylin

Natasha Bedingfield - Strip Me

...I love you ????????

May you look in the mirror & say “I love you.  I appreciate you”

 

…looking at my refection in a mirror..I means really looking at myself is hard to do…it amazes me that I readily open my heart to the moment & strangers…bit to open my heart/eyes to “me” is a struggle…let along say & feel “I love you”

 

…since I was you fitting in has been so important…I felt like I had to dim my light…become less enthusiastic..Less effervescent so I wouldn’t stand out…so I would blend it…I know its hard to believe…at this point in my life that I wanted to blend in…lol

 

…I accommodated everyone’s request in hope that I would feel their love..and gain inner peace I so desired.  The charade I lived for so long….sometimes I still live it. I was afraid to listen to myself…catering to others opinions …feeling less than or not enough…squelching my own dreams …for what I thought I was suppose to or what expected to do…living an ordinary life all while I knew there was an extraordinary one someone inside of me.

 

..we all write our own story every single day…I try…at least I think I try…to live a mindfully present in the moment….my life can be as truly magical as I want it to be….life is not a struggle…or a series of obstacles to overcome…yep some days…weeks…months…even years are a real bitch…but until that moment that I realized the peace..love… joy & gratitude are already within me..they were all along…I just never  tapped into them…I was afraid of myself.

 

…now as I face 50..I still struggle with my refection in the mirror….I am not quite ready to fully & unconditionally love myself….I am a work in progress…I am committed to heal my hearts wounds..expand my perspective…grow & blossom into a woman who can say “I love you” to myself not merely with my words……but in the way I live my life.

Martina McBride - Teenage Daughters

..tears..fights….backtalk….

……raising a teenage daughter is not always a bed of roses…..loving & liking don’t always go together.  I have to say..at this point..yes I have been angry with my teenager..However I have always…liked her..Even when she drives me crazy….my mom on the other hand …Oh my my….there where years I am sure she didn’t like me at all…lol …I cannot imagine how disheartening it is to realize your teenage daughter’s company & behavior is unbearable.  How..as a mother do you prepare yourself for such intense feelings? 

 

Are these feelings normal?  I am positive that disliking your teenage daughter from time to time is perfectly normal…I am also very certain that months drive their teenage daughters crazy….in my case I am absolutely sure I drive my teenager stark raging mad…..but we adore each other more than words can say.

 

…there is no doubt..when I was a teen I talked back both to my mom & dad….all the time…..just as mothers can bring their teen daughters to tears ..it goes both ways….there have been a few times over the years when my daughter & I have brought the other to tears…and I am sure we will experience it again when evidence of the obnoxious & untenable rears it ugly head & comes spewing out of either’s moth…..its so hard for both of us not to allow the same venom come out…lol

 

…for me….I try to remember..at all times…my teenager is simply following natures assignment & working towards establishing greater independence from me….she has to feel secure in who she is…she must find herself..in her own time & in her own space….even if it doesn’t fit into my agenda……even if its at the expense of my sanity. 

 

…..I know adolescence is a workout for both the teens & their parents…..no matter the issue…I try to always come from a place of compassion, kindness & common sense.   It sure can be a rough ride……I try not to …but at times it is very difficult not to take negative behavior personally.   I completely understand teenage daughters are a whirl of emotions that seem to burst from time to time…..as hard as it is…..it’s crucial to our mother/daughter relationship not to react defensively..its not a power struggle.

 

…my goal is & always has been to provide my daughter with the foundation she needs to grown into adulthood….I am always & will always be here for her….there are no challenges that together ..my daughter & myself can survive. Being a parent is  an awesome responsibility…..I am truly blessed to have such a wonderful , compassionate, kind daughter……I give here the space & trust she desires while  maintaining a closeness like no other.   I LOVE YOU  MMMM !  Way More!

Kelly Clarkson - Catch My Breath

…..not another weight loss plan

…some of you may know that I have been a vegetarian off & on how awhile now…..I have to admit I feel much better as a vegetarian…but  I get lazy….start to just eat whatever with no thought what so ever….this being the year I turn the big 5 0….its time to get off that yo yo diet cycle & jump on a lifestyle change to enhance my life..physically…mentally….& emotionally.   I have done a lot of research about the concept of clean eating…I have to say I am interested in giving it a try…..

 

…clean eating is based on the idea that the best way to eat is to abundantly enjoy whole foods…foods as close to their natural state as possible…..fresh fruits & veggies…whole grains & lean proteins instead of pre-packaged processed foods..or fast food…in addition you replace saturated fats with healthy fats..no need to count calories…just trust in good quality…healthy food.

 

Here are some guidelines I found on the internet….www.cleaneating.com

 

Step 1
Eat plenty of fruits and vegetables. Choose fresh, unprocessed foods over canned or processed products. Clean eating enthusiasts believe that we were meant to survive on fresh fruits and vegetables and that processing them reduces their nutritional value and fiber content and adds salt, fat, sugar and chemicals. Choose fruit instead of fruit juice and if you must pick a processed vegetable, frozen is always better than canned.

Step 2
Balance protein and complex carbohydrates. Incorporate whole grains like brown rice or millet over processed grains. Eat lean meats, and choose organic or grass fed meats when possible as these foods are usually clean of pesticides, hormones and additives. Grill, broil or steam your meats rather than frying.

Step 3
Avoid sodas and high calorie, sugary drinks. Follow the tenant of clean eating that aims to remove added sugars from the diet. Choose water or tea for your beverages, or juice your own fruits and vegetables and enjoy them without added sugars or preservatives.

Step 4
Trade bad fats for good fats. One of the most important aspects of clean eating is removing saturated fats from the diet. Lower your saturated fat intake by avoiding fast food, choosing lean cuts of meat and getting your fat calories from foods like nuts and fatty fish.

Step 5
Eat several small meals to keep blood sugar stable and to avoid overeating. Choose snacks like nuts, low-fat or fat free dairy and fruits and vegetables. Note that some people who live a clean eating lifestyle don't eat dairy products while others adapt clean eating to a vegetarian lifestyle.