The Woman I Am (Chaka Khan)

Christina Aguilera - Keeps Gettin' Better

Phenomenal Woman

by  Maya Angelou

 

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size

But when I start to tell them,

They think I'm telling lies.

I say,

It's in the reach of my arms

The span of my hips,

The stride of my step,

The curl of my lips.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

 

I walk into a room

Just as cool as you please,

And to a man,

The fellows stand or

Fall down on their knees.

Then they swarm around me,

A hive of honey bees.

I say,

It's the fire in my eyes,

And the flash of my teeth,

The swing in my waist,

And the joy in my feet.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

 

Men themselves have wondered

What they see in me.

They try so much

But they can't touch

My inner mystery.

When I try to show them

They say they still can't see.

I say,

It's in the arch of my back,

The sun of my smile,

The ride of my breasts,

The grace of my style.

I'm a woman

 

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

 

Now you understand

Just why my head's not bowed.

I don't shout or jump about

Or have to talk real loud.

When you see me passing

It ought to make you proud.

I say,

It's in the click of my heels,

The bend of my hair,

the palm of my hand,

The need of my care,

'Cause I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

 

 

 

KT Tunstall -- Black Horse and the Cherry Tree

...get nailed

….I  see chicks everyday walking around with long fingernails…I for one admire anyone who sports beautifully manicured fingers……I myself have been known to indulge in  long luscious red nails a time or two…some I grew & others I bought……I like the way my hands look with long nails… …some chicks go to the extreme…..while others use their nail art as an expression  of their mood or style….I am not talking about us normal chicks……..

 

 

…I am talking about those chicks that have those super long somewhat curvy crazy ass nails…….you know the what I am talking about…..how do those chicks get anything done?  Simple everyday tasks buttoning your jeans…..or tie your shoes…..how in the heck do you wipe after you go potty???? Can you just imagine…….what am image……I have seen some chicks with like 18 in fingernails…..how do you clean out from under your nails – eeek – YUCK!

 

…so how practical are long nails………..so I am thinking…….

 

1.       How do you hold your keys & unlock the door..or start your car?

2.       Do you need a personal assistant to zip your zipper, wipe your who who….etc?

3.       Do you wear loafers or flip flops all the time?

4.       Typing must be a real pain….

5.       How in the world do you pick your nose????

 

….I also think super long ass nails just might make sexual acts a tad bit uncomfy……but I don’t know…….all I can say is if you grow or buy fingernails that prevent you from doing normal everyday things…..why?

Enya - Only Time (video)

...going Brazilian

 

...sounds exotic.....uh..not......if you don’t know what exactly it means to go Brazilian....lol..here it is.....no pubic hair...fully stripped..bald....clean as a whistle...every single hair is ripped away from front to back...unless of course you want a landing strip..lol...that would be a little patch of hair on the front of your who who...kinda like a soul patch on a fella..only his is on his chin....no real reason..just looks kinda cool...lol

...so I am thinking I might wanna fully expose my southern hemisphere.....and have all hair removed......Whoah!  I have lots of chick friends who wax their who who & I do like to keep things cleaned up down under...so why not...how bad can it be....I gave birth without drugs...I go to the dentist.......I can do this...

 

 .....my understanding that no one under 30 has a bush down under..call it a trend..call it craziness...it is what it is...the question is...what about cool chicks 50+......I have heard Brazilians are becoming very popular with women in their 50s......I am kinda weirded out but totally intrigued at the same time.....talk about doing some serious spring cleaning...lol.

 

...I am pretty darn daring..but am I daring enough to go full Monty & let it rip?......OUCH!

James Blunt - You're Beautiful (Video)

...its all up to interpretation

....why is it that Betty Crocker & Aunt Jemima seem to get younger looking all the time while Uncle Benn & Colonel Sanders seem to grow old with dignity?   Why do women who are at the prime of their lives...blessed with an enhanced sense of identity.....making positive contributions and have a renewed sense of confidence  talk about

tucking......peeling.....injecting......plumping....augmenting..suctioning themselves into something closer to their “idea” of physical perfection??? Is there no such thing as beauty everlasting?  Is beauty only skin deep?

 ...wouldn’t ya think that since we have come a long way baby.....we chicks would be less concerned about being an ornament and closer to earning our status as an equal on may levels.....we should make the transition from lean & strong to soft & round without penalty or judgment....I thing women are much to vain....we are hardest on ourselves & each other...how sad.

 

...I will admit I spend endless amounts of effort trying to be a better me on the inside as well as the outside.....but NEVER at the expense of others feelings.....at this point in my life I don’t know if I will ever inject or augment any body parts....but ya never know....but for right now....true beauty comes from within.....I encourage all women to tap into their own inner beauty & see the beauty they possess.

.....gotta leak

.......so here is the thing.....if you don’t know by now I am a wanna-be runner...I have been a walker off & on for years & know its time for my inner runner to shine.....but what do ya do if you are a chick who has to pee all the time.....how do you stop peeing your pants while on the run???   I know I am not the only runner wanna be chick in her 50s who wants to know the answer to this question....come on most of us have bodily function issues while running...some it’s snot...others have to poop....there is also sweat....puke and sometimes blood....so really talking about the golden fluid is no big deal...

 

....I have talked to many women..runners & non runners....lots of women have confessed that they wet their pants....some on a daily basis....I guess some men do the same..some women experience a slow trinkle..others a gush..... we all have had such a big laugh that it ran down our leg.....or what about a cough or a sneeze that caused you to wet yourself....everyone has done that...especially if you are a woman who has given birth.....just know that if you are a pee-er when you run.....or do anything that causes you to pee in your pants you are not alone.....there are many pee-soul-sisters out there.

...so in my quest to tap into my inner runner I have one constant concern..... why does this happen & what can I do about it?  Why is it that when I run I have to pee? Duh..I have to pee..Haha.....I have had two babies....so lord knows my who who is all stretched out of whack.....my pelvic muscles are not what they once were....age...being over weight..tilted bladder...injured urethra....medications...are just some of the reasons a chick maybe a pee-pee-pants on the run...

 

...so what do ya do.....firm up your pee pee....KEGELS KEGELS KEGELS BABY!  ......strengthen your pelvic musclles & sphincter  - bonus....your fella will thank you...wink wink.....I have to wonder how many kegels I would have to do to return to my touched for the very first time status...lol......you can do kegels anytime anywhere...driving your car...at the Kroger...I am doing them right now!

...in the meanwhile till all that kegeling kicks in..what do ya do when you are on a run & ya have to go???  ....do you wear a pad or let it drip..I have talked to several chicks & most of them wear a pad when they run or exercise.....I  know its not so  comfy..but the alternative is having a wet soggy who who.....who wants a soggy who who...unless of course its intentional..wink wink...hey  if a US astronaut can drive across country in a diaper...I can certainly wear a pad for a 5k.

 

 

...I did some research & the following are a few things us chicks can do to before we run or exercise......empty the bladder.....stay hydrated...sounds like an oxymoron to me..but if ya get dehydrated your pee is more concentrated & it irritates the bladder & makes ya wanna pee more....so keep your pee clear ladies!  ...wear a pad......not the regular period pads..ya need to get one of those Poise pads....be sure to use a little Aquaphor to avoid the chaffing – eeek!  Carry a towel to sit on in the car on the way home...certainly don’t wanna smell up your car.....most important...learn to laugh about it...you are not  the only chick out there who pees her pants.....are you sure those wet sweat marks on the others runners clothes are sweat..........LOL

 

 

 

Tracy Chapman - At This Point In My Life

...family

.....right now I am riding shot gun on 90 somewhere in NY heading home from a whirlwind visit to VT.  ...on the ride home I have had time to reflect on the trip....the feelings leading up to the trip as well as the uproar of emotions experienced during the visit.  Its funny how no matter how old we are when we go home to family we are that insecure child all over again....I know when I visit my family in Ohio I have a sense of security & comfort among the familiar.....some people have spent their entire lives surrounded by their family be it their parents, siblings and relatives...I started off my adult like in the same area I grew up...seeing my family on a daily basis....didn’t give it a thought.....now many years later I have grown to have a greater appreciation for family......we have lived our lives for the last 19 yrs apart from family.....there is a major difference in knowing your family in their everyday lives & only really knowing them on short visits now & then. 

 

...we all create this image or perception of who we think people are...I am sure that is because of previous interactions..and or comments.....but just as I have changed...others do as well....so at some point we have to adjust our perception...open our eyes..listen with an open mind & open heart and hear what is being said without judgment.  At what point in our lives are we really and willing to open ourselves up to others..to their ideas..their thoughts..their fears?  I have to say I think there are many many people..myself included who feel they are open to others...but in actuality they are not....at some point we have to be able to see farther than ourselves to feel & understand others feelings.....I am proud to say after many years of denial...resentment & sadness....I am there....its been a long emotional road...life is way to short to be any other way but open..loving & authentic.

 

...my relationship with my extended family has been somewhat distant....emotional distant...reasons...not really sure & at this point ..does it really matter..NO...what matters is that I re-discovered what I always knew but never was open to or allowed.....I am truly blessed by a wonderful caring extended family......who have welcomed me with open arms many times.....but due to my self absorbed attitude I was never really open to their love & acceptance....what a waist of time on my part.

 

...I have yet to figure out what was so different about this trip...actually the difference was me...I opened the door to a better connection of sorts...an understanding....an acceptance.....most importantly a closeness & openness ......it’s a great feeling....I can only hope they too feel as I do.....

 

..it has been a year of pain..change and most importantly of growth within each of us.....coming to terms to what is real in our lives...what is important....how we create our own heartache...antartd happiness....I do believe the relationship between kids & their parents no matter how old or mature or experience we think we are is sometimes a difficult one....the choice is ours...do we allow it to fester....or do we open a line of communication..shed a few tears and laughs and create a new more  mutually fulfilling relationship.....we (hubby, daughter & myself) chose to open ourselves up to a beautiful new relationship with our family.

 

We enjoyed VT & our family more than ever – Thank you ALL!  We love you ALL!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Idina Menzel - I Stand [Acoustic] (video)

 

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, “I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.” . . . You must do the thing you think you cannot do.

 ~Eleanor Roosevelt

P!nk - Glitter In The Air

......dissonance in your life?

 

...have you ever hit the keys of a piano & you just knew that those keys were just not meant to be played together...you know deep inside..no matter how little you know about music..that’s its just not right..the notes just don’t go together....I can so relate...I know what this feels like...I know what it feels like to have the dissonance of not walking authentically every single day...some days feel like I am a poster child for the dazed & confused...then there are those days when I feel like I am walking on a cloud of harmony & joy....I am sure many folks can relate to this...we have all felt this way at one time or another....

 

..it is so hard to be truly authentic when you have so many different sides to oneself...on a daily basis I wear several different hats.....sometimes not knowing who I really am or what I really want.....do you ever find that your actions don’t always align with what you really want...its like living double lives.....

 

...then there are those folks who appear to have it all together...we assure ourselves that they indeed have the perfect lives......but is it real?  Somehow I don’t think its the  case....I wonder......seems to be two types out there.....one type knows what they want & does it......while the other type spend a lot of time listening to the voices in their heads...causing then to go around & around in circles...questions what they really want...or who they are....

 

...I have been spending a lot of time trying to tap into what...or better said how I want to live my authentic life.....trying to discover...accept......open to what is at the heart of who I am & where I want to be within myself......no excuses.....no apologies.....to live my life as I created it...could there be anything more amazing?

P!nk - Nobody Knows

..taming the inner freak.....

...control freak that is....

 

...yes yes yes...I have no trouble admitting I am a bit of a control freak......I have been extremely controlling from time to time..let me clarify......controlling isn’t all bad......I am all about being controlling in the bedroom...I think there are a lot of fellas out there who would enjoy being controlled by a chick......just saying......but right now I am referring to controlling things which are either out of my control and or  I have no right to control...it has taken me many years to come to the realization that controlling people like myself  are controlled themselves by the compulsion of having to do it all & do it all perfectly.....all while beating yourself up for not being perfect at controlling whatever act or situation....I am still trying to figure out why & or what was lacking within me to create such a control freak.

 

...what matters now is that I ‘m not so much controlling as I am overly organized.....I am lots happier now...I have no desire to be domineering......well maybe sometimes..but only when I am sporting my leather bustier & cat of nine tails.......lol....I am learning to embrace the art of healthy submission..(not even gonna go there  hehe)..there have been many times in my life when I was or felt I was completely in control....but yet felt completely out of control.  Granted I was married to a GI Joe who was away most of the time while I took care of everything.....looking back now I think by doing everything...I used my control freakiness as a way to validate myself on a daily basis....I loved being a stay at home mom, military wife...I took pride in our lifestyle and our role in the community...but yet....it always went back to it really not being my choice....I walked away from my life into a pre-made military family...I spend many years being angry because I felt my choice was taken away.....looking back now I would not change a thing.....I really do think...no I know....in my head all those years I was telling myself....if I have to deal with the decisions made.....than I am going to control anything & everything I possible can within our military life restraints.  

 

...I was  so in touch with my inner control freak for a few years after my GI Joe hung up his uniform......I didn’t know any other way to survive....it was easy for him....I was still running the show....all along feeling frustrated & taken for granted because I was running the show...then...out of now where...our circumstances changed......my hubby was laid off.....I was working .....I expected....thought...demanded.....he do things around the house.....in the same manner in which I did them...of course.....like that ever happened...lol.....I think it took me about a year to really let go of the control....accept that he has his own way of doing things.....and I had to learn what was important was that things g done...not that they were  done my way.... it was hard...it all came down to me releasing anxiety & learning to trust....it was the only way for me to find emotional balance.

 

...I am far from perfect...I will NEVER be perfect.....I have no desire or expectation to be perfect....I will always be a freak of some sort...just less controlling....I like to think of it as overly organized.....lol...my house isn’t as clean as it once was....there are dishes in the sink from time to time...and hardwood floors get scrubbed on my hands & knees one or twice a year as opposed to once a week......but in the big picture..isn’t far more important to celebrate accomplishments of your loved ones instead of bitching about the things they didn’t do?!

Idina Menzel - Defying Gravity (from LIVE: Barefoot at the Symphony)

…no way…I would never……..

..I hear those words on a daily basis since May 17, 2013…the day I shaved my head…I blogged about me shaving my head…..but I really never elaborated as to the whys & the how comes…….

 

…why…turning 50 was a huge mile stone in my life….almost as though I felt a cosmic shift or enlightenment of sorts from within….I was preparing  to start a new chapter in my life…a chapter in which I felt for the first time I was coming into my own pre say……a rebirth of sorts……..after spending many years wandering…I felt it was time….time to tap into the person I was….the one I kept hidden….once…19 yrs ago after a terrible loss I cut my hair extremely…I mean extremely short…..I felt I needed to focus internally as opposed to externally in order to heal my heart. So in a way…at 50.. I am kinda doing the same thing….just not out of sorrow…..more out of celebration of me.

 

…I will admit….I was nervous….when it was done….it was scary….and liberating at the same time……I felt very exposed….and kinda vulnerable….somewhat intense…and  kinda sexy……I could feel every breeze in a way as never before felt…I loved it..I loved what it meant to me & how it made me feel……plus it is a little controversial!

 

 

…going into the whole head shaving thing my intentions were not to make light of anyone who has lost their hair for medical reasons…my decision to shave my head was my decision. It has nor has anything what so ever to do with anyone else….

 

….it  amazes me how people….strangers…men & women have reacted to me & my bald head…..I have always been very social & outgoing…..but there is a real change…people are nicer to me…they really are…..I have to assume it is because they think I am ill……..how sad is that that people are only nice when they think they person they are dealing with is ill…..WOW!  I went to the DMV on my birthday to get my plates renewed & a new driver’s license….a few people were ahead of me in line……we all know that the employees of the DMV have a reputation of being difficult to deal with & not so nice………well there sure were nice to me that day…..everyone in line was as well…..people them me go ahead of the…no shit…I know…hard to believe….I even said no thank you & they insisted…..the folks at the counter were more than friendly…..the gal renewing my license asked me not once but twice if I has any illness that would cause problems driving….she didn’t believe me when she asked me the first time & I said no.  LOL   The fellow who took my picture for my license handed it to me & said that was the best picture he had taken all day……oh pleeeze……a 50 yr old overweight bald woman w/ glasses…….come on mister. lol

 

….people’s reaction to be being bald is kinda exciting…intriguing & seems to captivate them….I actually get similar reactions from men & women…in terms of how they look at me…I think it shocks people..catches them off guard…some seem to enjoy checking me out while others look away as fast as possible…it is kinda funny…..women have come right out & asked me if I had cancer…always being polite..but curious…men on the other hand don’t say a word..not one word…..a friend of mine the other day said her hubby would divorce her if ever she shaved her head…..I looked at my hubby & asked him what he thought…..if he ever considered divorce or even being angry because I shaved my head……he said without batting an eye….”Your hair is not Lisa, I married Lisa”……OMG – I loved him for saying that…most of all I love him for who he is & how he loves me…..hair or no hair.

 

…a few women have commented that being bald suited me…I have to say I do have a nice shaped head..lol  a couple have even expressed that they wish they were as brave as me…brave enough to shave their heads…I know shaving my head was a bold move on my part..but brave….uh no…. being brave never entered my mind…….it has absolutely nothing to do with bravery…

 

…it didn’t take me long to recognize that people got a bit nervous around me….they didn’t know if my baldness was from a nasty disease..or chemo…..I think if confessed them…..to see me w/o hair but yet looking healthy, happy & laughing ….not knowing how to interact with me….the unknown gets ya every time.

 

…turns out my shaven head is not all the unusual…..Hollywood starlets like  Sinead O’Connor…Natalie Portman and Kelli Pickler all have sported the bald head for some reason or another….here is also a women’s head shaving organization out there..who knew…….we I for one am digging my new do…..I thought I would only do it once…and let it grow out……well as of today I have done it twice & I plan to continue……bought my own clippers…..who knows…maybe I will start a trend…….would you ever shave your head?

I Am What I Am - John Barrowman

..being me…is that so bad?

..what’s wrong with me being me?

 

..as far back as I can remember my body & my size have been an issue….my hips have always been a little wider..my butt flatter….my waist a little rounder….I have carried these feelings with me my whole entire life….now at 50 I look back & can say that in all honestly being a curvy gal has not really had a negative effect  on my life…..ok yes there were those boys who passed me by because they wanted a stick thin gal….which I was not…….so in actuality the only negative outcome of me being “bigger” is what I have done to myself emotionally….

 

…so they say with age comes wisdom….I have learned that confidence in yourself is what makes ya sparkle & shine…..believing in yourself radiates beauty……like I have said I have “learned “ it…applying it …..well..that’s another story..

 

..one of the 50 things I am going to do my 50^th year is to apply what I know to me…myself & I....to the why I think & see myself…round..curvy..saggy…embrace who I am & where I am at this point in my life….the most important part…no matter how cheesy it sounds….it’s time for me to BE ME…..however that it…for right now  I will gladly accept being a work in progress. 

 

C.Dion & C.King & G.Estefan & S.Twain - You've got a friend

...here's to the boys

......do guys or gals form closer friendships with others of the same gender.......hmmmmm......a long time guy friend of mine just came for a visit...I love this fella...over the years we have formed a wonderful love hate friendship that is awesome...it’s a friendship based on smack you up aside your head honesty.....we laugh & bitch at each other like we are a married couple.....what a fun relationship..we stay in touch & I know he would be there for me in a hot minute if I needed him.

 

....so I am thinking about friendship.....I have blogged about gal pal  friends...I love them dearly & am truly blessed to have wonderful strong independent woman in my life.......this time I am focusing on my guy friends.......can guys & gals really be friends.....I mean REAL friends...girlfriend kinda friends...only with wing wangs & facial hair..

 

...history shows us that between the sexes was basically non existent....men & women occupied different spheres...we were considered the inferior sex....LOL...boy did they have that wrong!  Times sure have changed.....now it is just a thing for a guy & a gal to have a platonic friendship...not to be confused with friends w/ benefits........my my that a whole different ...and interesting blog  LOL

 

...friendships with the opposite sex have been important to me as far back as I can remember.....I hardly  think I am the only gal out there who has awesome guy pals...friendship isn’t courtship...there’s no beginning ..middle...or end....I think our culture has problems accepting any friendship that isn’t based on sex or blood...we all understand and accept romantics relationships...and we all have the family thing...but for some reason it is hard for society to accept a man & a woman being “just “ friends...why is that?  Why do we as a society have to sexualize platonic relationships???  ...now I will admit I have had guy pals in my life who I wouldn’t have minded taking them for a spin...wink wink...but a quickie is not worth  ending ...real friendship.

 

 ...I have been very blessed to have wonderful, respectful genuine guy pals who I consider good good friends..they have all played a significant role in my life......they are true friends.......they would stand by me no matter what....at times they know me better than I know myself.....one thing I know for sure...when you have an amazing friendship with someone (male or female) who you would consider family...stick with that person through thick & thin....sometimes it is not easy either way.....I believe that people come into our lives for a reason....sometimes they exit after we have learned what we or they were suppose to learn....sometimes the friendship gets stronger & grows into a lifetime........I have AWESOME guy friends!