...cranky old bag

........ya know  I have been thinking the things we seem to lose as we get older......like hair...teeth.....the desire to stay up past 11pm...lol....one thing that I have started to lose is my patience...I just can't seem to put up with as much as I did nor do I even wanna deal w/ crap ....maybe this mind set is where the phrase "cranky old bag" comes from...if so I for one will hold that flag high. 

...we all get to a point in our life when the things we used to tolerate we have just had enough..no more...f&^k it.....my life..my terms ....I have NO patience for crap! DONE! OVER!

...yes I know there are things I can not control that aggravate me or test my patience...you know like....

....why do they call fast food restaurants "fast food" when you have to sit in line and wait & then they screw up your order????? 

...what about having a conversation w/ someone who can not stop looking at the phone?? Hey - no problem our convo means nothing so do you phone shit.....please!???

...how about calling a business & trying to get a real person on the phone...if I have to push#1 one more time....damn!

...and if one more door to door salesmen rings my bell I am gonna scream....if I wanted to buy something I would call you....

....I  guess impatience doesn't really have to be a result of getting older...its more about what we will or won't tolerate ...lol.....screw that!  I am a cranky old bag!

HOW TO PREPARE FOR A MAMMOGRAM--

HOW TO PREPARE FOR A MAMMOGRAM--

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, and even if they have had them before, there is fear. But there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test, and best of all, you can do these simple practice exercises right in your home. 

EXERCISE 1: Open your refrigerator door, and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat in case the first time wasn't effective. 

EXERCISE 2: Visit your garage at 3 a.m. when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor sideways with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Switch sides, and repeat for the other breast. 

EXERCISE 3: Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Have the stranger press the bookends against either side of one of your breasts and smash the bookendstogether as hard as he/she can. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet next year to do it again. You are now properly prepared! 

And just a thought for all you women out there: MENtal illness, MENstrual cramps, MENtal breakdown, MENopause. Ever notice how all of women's problems start with men? And when we have real problems, it's HISterectomy! 

P.S. Don't forget the "GUY"necologist!

~unknown author

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