…winds of change are blowing

 

….changing your life for the better is something that I would think everyone has thought about a time or two…or in my case a trillion…lol …..as I ponder the reason for my existence…..lol…..thats just funny…..I guess in my case..existence refers to what the hell I  do with my life……not talking about the part of me that is a wife, a mother, a sister..daughter..friend..etc……the Lisa part…..who is Lisa …why am I…why am I not…blah blah blah…

...the sad truth is that I have always been what others expected me to be....never really giving my actions or reactions a second thought.......did I allow this behavior because it was easy.....I am sad to admit it.....I have always taken the easy way..in almost every situation.....if it involved confrontation....emotions....effort.....I just went with the flow.....now at 50 I don’t know how to tap into what I really want...how I really feel....what I can allow & what I and sick to death of in my life.......

....so again it goes back to the reason form being.... is it like a seed that is planted in the garden...grows to the fulfilment of its reason of being......of course in my case the seed within  me has been planted with tons of shit over the years.....you would think I am filled with some pretty powerful ....so it my true & authentic self is the seed within me........waiting to bloom...I guess its up to me to water & nurture it.

.....changing my life for the better is answered by finding the real me...my inner purpose....how......how do I tap into the power within & reveal my true self....the struggle I face.......feeling almost stuck in life.....this routine I have fallen into is not satisfying.....my inner voice insists there is more for me out in the universe....

.....there are tons of options out there designed to help kick the birds of doubt to the curb.....they can help ya jump start all the changes you have been promising yourself for years....for me.....it is a solitary struggle...a solitary fix.....I know full well when I face resistance head on...acknowledge it...stroke it...coddle it....there is an inner shift of sorts.....the procrastination monster subsides.....fear & self doubt lessen......the road to self love & acceptance is not gonna be easy....but it is the only way for me to be my authentic self.....whoever that is.....