Sunday, November 5, 2017

...cranky old bag

........ya know  I have been thinking the things we seem to lose as we get older......like hair...teeth.....the desire to stay up past 11pm...lol....one thing that I have started to lose is my patience...I just can't seem to put up with as much as I did nor do I even wanna deal w/ crap ....maybe this mind set is where the phrase "cranky old bag" comes from...if so I for one will hold that flag high. 

...we all get to a point in our life when the things we used to tolerate we have just had enough..no more...f&^k it.....my life..my terms ....I have NO patience for crap! DONE! OVER!

...yes I know there are things I can not control that aggravate me or test my patience...you know like....

....why do they call fast food restaurants "fast food" when you have to sit in line and wait & then they screw up your order????? 

...what about having a conversation w/ someone who can not stop looking at the phone?? Hey - no problem our convo means nothing so do you phone shit.....please!???

...how about calling a business & trying to get a real person on the phone...if I have to push#1 one more time....damn!

...and if one more door to door salesmen rings my bell I am gonna scream....if I wanted to buy something I would call you....

....I  guess impatience doesn't really have to be a result of getting older...its more about what we will or won't tolerate ...lol.....screw that!  I am a cranky old bag!

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

HOW TO PREPARE FOR A MAMMOGRAM--

HOW TO PREPARE FOR A MAMMOGRAM--

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, and even if they have had them before, there is fear. But there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test, and best of all, you can do these simple practice exercises right in your home. 

EXERCISE 1: Open your refrigerator door, and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat in case the first time wasn't effective. 

EXERCISE 2: Visit your garage at 3 a.m. when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor sideways with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Switch sides, and repeat for the other breast. 

EXERCISE 3: Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Have the stranger press the bookends against either side of one of your breasts and smash the bookendstogether as hard as he/she can. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet next year to do it again. You are now properly prepared! 

And just a thought for all you women out there: MENtal illness, MENstrual cramps, MENtal breakdown, MENopause. Ever notice how all of women's problems start with men? And when we have real problems, it's HISterectomy! 

P.S. Don't forget the "GUY"necologist!

~unknown author

Sunday, October 22, 2017

Freebird

You do YOU!

....would you consider yourself an adventurous dresser...do you say F$#& the rules of fashion?  Do you wear what you like?..what you love?...what makes you feel good?  no matter your age..or what the so called fashion experts say a women of a certain age should or shouldn't wear?????????

...or are you more into baggy tshirt mom jean blend in hope no one notices  you kinda style..trying to be invisible????  ..a rule follower.....you live & die by the pages of the fashion magazine...not the trendy ones..more like Fashion for Seniors..or AARP...you own shoes for comfort not style..... if so..thats cool...You do YOU! Thats just NOT me. ...that being said...theres nothing better than a comfy pair of cool shoes...

...what is your fashion voice?  ...do you have one? ..what does what you wear say to the outside world......have you ever thought about it....do you even care?   I have been drinking the fashion kool-aid for years....I have spend hundreds of dollars on every fashion what to wear what not to wear how to wear where to wear magazines....almost as much as I have spent on diet books...HA!

...at this stage in the game.....yes I am a chick "of a certain age"  or so they say....but around the same time i subscribes to the AARP magazine I stopped buying all those fashion rags....magaines....not following the so called fashion rules has given me a bigger ..full...more honest voice...I no longer have to plat by their rules to appreciate & enjoy fashion.  I decide what dressing inappropriate means for ME....an only me.....ok ok..my hubby to....but only hid wants to be seen with me...lol


....having a unique personal style is intimately related to my sense of self...in a way...yes this i could be reaching...but  what you wear can tell the the world your political..or nor non political view...our fav sport teams...the colleges we like/support....or religion or spiritual beliefs.... where we have traveled.....so when people say they don't pay much attention to fashion/clothes..is that really the truth?   Mass production of clothes has allowed us to play w/ our own personal style...we have the ability change our "look" as frequently as we want...what a long ass way we have come from the 1900s when chicks risked being arrested for sporting a pair of pants.....now most gal wear pants/jean everyday...its even acceptable for guys to do the skirt thing........but only if they have nice legs..lol..I call BULLSHIT on anyone who says..."its just clothes"......

...if indeed clothes are what you wear ....then style is how you pull it together.....I for one will not let anyone define MY personal style....beautiful things happen when you take pride in yourself....having control over my own identity is one of my basic rights..as it is yours.....declare to the world your view point...use fashion to tell your story...your unique perspective....be brave....break the rules...be rebellious....own it no matter your age...make your self truer to yourself in all aspects of your life not us in your fashion style....YOU BE YOU!