As of late I have spent endless hours thinking about affairs of the heart. How's that for a expression?? lol Isn't it funny how when we are young we really don't give it a thought, we give our heart ( love or not) away at a drop of the hat........as we age we withhold our love as punishment, or we hide our love thinking that we are somehow protecting ourselves from heartbreak. (whatever helps us sleep at night I guess lol) At what point in our lives do we just let it go, allow love to enter our heart freely & more important when do we allow or give ourselves permission to open our heart to others? Damn I am deep...NOT! lol
Just think about it for a sec.....go back in time......I remember my first crush ( oh but I knew it was love for sure) I covered my notebook with his name - hey when you are in 2nd grade and you write a boys name all over your notebookk you know it is LOVE! Luckily notebooks were cheap, so getting a new one each week wasn't a problem...lol I remember the crazy ass things I did just to get a boys attention. Looking back, I have to question if spitting at a boy really got the kind of attention I wanted from him, the teacher didn't think so. lol
By Jr high & high school you are a little less obvious about who you like, so you pass notes to your crushes best friend...or better yet you have your best friend pass a note to your crush...lol If I had a dollar for every note my best gf Debbie passed for me both Debbie & I would be very rich women...lol Although we lusted after the same boy for many years (actually still do lust after him hehe) we had completely different tastes in boys- which was a good thing. Somehow she always got the boy and I just kept chasing the boys...lol
My twenties....damn! LMAO Boy did I think I have the world/love by the tail. I thought love meant sex and sex meant love and boy did I spread the love around lol (btw Mom- it wasn't that much sex lol) ok ok.....it's more like it wasn't that much GOOD sex...lol Why is it that sex is so important or at least we think it is when we are in our 20's???? Hell I didn't even know what good sex was till I hit my mid 30's..........ok maybe 40's lol
The 30's I was busy having babies - not sex! lol I think as mothers and wives we convince ourselves that our love for our family is so much more important than our sexual lives. I don't know about you - but after doing the kid thing all frigging day in my worn out juice stained over sized vomit covered sweat pants and tshirt, cooking dinner, doing the dishes with a side of laundry before I even attempt to bath the kids and get them into bed......I am just not feeling the come on honey I wanna make you feel like a real man tonight thing no matter how much you beg! lol But you know men.......they don't get that at all. To them its like saying we love our kids more than our hubby's.......which I have to admit from time to time that's the truth! After a crazy long day my kids kids don't care what I wear to bed...my hubby on the other hands expects a showered, clean shaven ready for action thong between my cheeks sexy nightie ready to do it kinda gal..........like that ever happened LMFAO (sorry Mitch) Like it even entered my mind to take a shower let alone stuff my post baby body into some sexy lace for his pleasure number - that's funny. What the hell was he thinking???? lol
So now that I heading up the path ( just the path not the door ) to my 50's I can't help but wonder ........not really wonder more like now is the time to set the groundwork to allow the love in my life to flourish (All forms of love), to be open for the good, accept the not so good and ENJOY THE RIDE!!!!!!