Enrique Iglesias - Heartbeat ft. Nicole Scherzinger

Friend ? You decide.........

..........A single soul, dwelling in two bodies"- Aristotle

When one is a stranger to oneself then one is estranged from others too.. ..A good friend acts as a gentle mirror, reflecting our strengths to us with congratulations and our weaknesses with tolerance.  Without friendship our life is flat and our path towards authenticity extremely rocky.

  
When we feel the inexplicable greatness and bounty of true friendship the right thing to do, is challenge ourselves to work from the better part of who we are. Whether at the beginning, the middle or at an ultimate ending in friendship, choosing to honor, and at the least acknowledge what is happening, could be a beginning for all of us!

True friendship is perhaps the only relation that survives the trials and tribulations of time and remains unconditional. A unique blend of affection, loyalty, love, respect, trust and loads of fun is perhaps what describes the true meaning of friendship. Similar interests, mutual respect and strong attachment with each other are what friends share between each other. These are just the general traits of a friendship. To experience what is friendship, one must have true friends, who are indeed rare treasure.

I am very blessed to have wonderful strong, independent women in my life who I call my friends, whom I value & treasure. Having trusted friends is essential for joy, growth and healing.  The true bond of women friends are like no other.

   Unfortunately I also have experienced the bittersweet death of what I considered to be a good friendship.   It’s been a few months since I received the phone call stating I was no longer part of her life - let me remind you we referred to each other as “best friends” “BFF”.You know the bull ship crap women say to each.  By the next morning I was completely de-friended.......of course I was devastated at the time...to be so close & then to be treated as if me  nor the friendship ever  even existed....looking back now I think how juvenile that behaviour really was, but in actuality wasn’t it more of a control thing on her part? At this point her reasoning is unimportant.

The silent epidemic in the underworld of female friendship.  There are no guidelines, no protocol, no etiquette, not even our mothers covered this with us. We can fall off the face of the earth on a friend, or in my case be kicked off...lol and no one will say a word about it. We can quietly pick at our confidence and self-worth wondering what we might have done wrong when a friend disappears and/or dumps us and then never discuss it with a living soul. From both sides it’s sad and difficult. The feeling is dauntingly specific when it comes on; deep inside the female heart where bullshit can’t survive … it’s impossible to mistake one woman blowing off another for anything other than what it is.

The loss of a valued friend is a harsh reality—it hurts! When the ties of a friendship are severed,  the results are devastating. When someone gets “burned” or feels rejected, bitterness and resentment threatens to extinguish even the best of relationships, and create simmering resentment or bitterness deep within.

My reaction - I was in disbelief, hurt so I lashed out by questioning her motives for dropping me like a hot potato.....which just pissed her off even more.  Let me add....two days prior to the “breakup” things were good in friendship land.......this came out of nowhere...understand my bewilderment?!  My  need for understanding & closure -  I needed to find a way to wrap my head & heart around what had just happened, what was said, what was NOT said.....I just needed to make sense of it.

Unfortunately there is no crystal ball to predict that a particular friend will turn out to be a reliable, positive relationship in your life or, by contrast, that a negative association will cause you emotional distress, or worse. Since destructive or negative friends are not always that easy to spot, being forewarned is forearmed, as the saying goes.

Sometimes walking away from a friendship & accepting the end is the only course of action that can be taken. I fondly remember the good times and need to move forward.  At this point I truly believe my friend dumping me was actually her doing me a favor.  I don’t necessarily agree with her method, I believe friends, or should I say “so called friends” deserve better than that. But I guess when you know better you do better.

Women!  Friends!  I empower my gal pals to be the best they can be. I strive to be the kind of friend to others that I want as friends.  I’m the first to admit from time to time I fall short & I really do try harder.  I love my gal pals!   I hope they know it! I respect, admire & cherish them dearly.  Maybe that should be my new goal...make sure the important ladies - my true friends – know & feel their importance in my life.  Just think if we all – as women – had that same goal – what a wonderful place the world would be.

While trying to work thru the grief of what was an important friendship, I came across characteristics or should I say personality traits of women..I guess men too.  I found them to be not only interesting but enlightening.  I believe all woman have many many facets to their person – ality... we just don’t fall into one type. As I read the descriptions below I was able to identify myself as well as others.

................................Do you know these women/friends?   Do you see yourself?

Toxic friends- This friend might be happiest when you’re at your lowest, she might be opportunistic, a taker, an energy thief. You’ve actually grown accustomed to this friend’s style and all her tricks.  You ask the question—what do you get out of the relationship? Remaining friends with someone whom you doubt on some level is about who you are as much as who she is.   This really makes me re-evaluate what is it about me........have you ever thought about it?

Control Freaks –women who are not only domineering, but tenacious as well. They are like a bulldog with a bone—there is absolutely no way you will dissuade them from their point of view. Any attempt to do so will only lead to frustration on your part. They are relentless, narrowly focused, and doggedly determined.  I have been called a control freak for years....now at this stage in the game......not so much.  Those who have lovingly referred to me as a control freak have seen the light.....am I right Mitch??? lol

Female Sociopath - consequences of her behavior are always somebody else’s problem, not hers. She is never to blame for anything...Because she’s out to control, she manipulates and punishes at will. She is the witness, the judge, the lawyer, the jury, the executioner - but never the accused...She will break the rules without a second thought, if the end justifies the means. She is furious if she is ignored or is not given what she wants. Her regular tantrums involve swearing, shouting, and intimidation and threatens. She holds grudges. Her revenge and retribution can be savage and harsh. This woman doesn’t think twice about destroying the reputations of others if they represent obstacles to getting what she wants. She’s the sort who will force you to get down on bended knee to beg forgiveness and then take delight in saying 'No'

A true friend - feeling of comfort and emotional safety with a person. It is when you do not have to weigh your thoughts and measure words. It is when someone knows you better than yourself and will be on your side in every emotional crisis. It is when you can go to  sleep fighting and get up in the  morning with a better understanding. Friendship is much beyond roaming together and sharing good moments, it is when someone comes to rescue you from the worst phase of life. Friendship is eternal.

Today I have the courage to be uniquely myself. I give thanks for the gifts that I, alone have to share.  I accept the past, enjoy the present, and look forward to the future. I allow myself to express my pain constructively. I have the courage to forgive myself and others.  I accept forgiveness from myself and others.  I have control of one thing & one thing only – MYSELF.  I chose to be the best me possible...the best friend possible.......

........what do you chose?????