....anyways......so I am thinking I could blog about love, fear, loss, marriage,sex, kids, blah blah blah......which you all know I love to talk about all that stuff....ok ok mostly sex lol. For those who only read my blog for the sorted sexual escapades....no worries - you know I will jump right back on that subject sooner than later. hehe This time I am gonna blog about something I am struggling with....actually to be honest I think ...nope.... I know it has been a struggle for me for a long time. Although I feel like I am the only one dealing with it, I know I am not alone. I read ( yes I do read books - not many - except for the naughty books lol) that if you label it, you limit it ~ACIM. Well damnit I wanna limit it, so I am gonna label it.
Self-worth Definition:
self-worth (self′wʉrt̸h′): noun; One's worth as a person, as perceived by oneself
Webster Dictionary
Yep.........i struggle with my own self worth. It's different than self esteem or self confidence. People can manage to have a high self esteem and good self confidence, without having a strong sense of self worth. It's all wrapped up in other people’s perceptions of your worth.
Since I can remember (for me it started when my first marriage was falling apart - I needed to feel in control of something so I put EVERYTHING I was into my job - its been a learned habit, maybe a way to prtect myself from feeling pain???) I have based my self-worth & value on what I have accomplished, my career, the accolades I received. I thought of myself as being important, top of the game..........time after time due to choices I made I would walk away from job after job......due to relocations, motherhood (just so ya know - I wouldn't change a thing - I would just know more and do better) ...now layoff (DAMNIT).......... each time a change happened it crummbled away at my self worth......I guess you could call it ego. (ego - a whole differenct blog - lol) Now I find myself in a tail spin.....knowing this is NO way to live, but not knowing who to fix it, make it better....or better yet..make it END.
My sense of self worth was entirely tied up in other people’s perceptions of me and dependent on my ability to continue to keep their perceptions the same. I see no value in myself, just in what I was. But yet - looking back - I am not so sure I liked who I was...hmmm. I have always wrappped who I am up in what I do. I am struggling with who I am. It is a very humbling experience. I KNOW self worth does not lie in my job, it lies in me, in what makes me unique. Just as yours lies in all the things that make you uniquely you.
Learning to value yourself for being yourself ( which I am such a work in progress) you see the inherent worth in being a one of a kind work of art. Self worth provides you with something to always fall back on when the something rocks your world,( believe me when I say things have been rocking) when something shakes your confidence in yourself or blows your self esteem to smithereens.
Finding yourself & loving yourself unconditionally. (Now thats a struggle) At some point you realize how valuable you are not just to others, but to yourself.
1 comment:
self-worth... so many years of equating worth to external factors like employment and others' perception of you. really, how do we get back to valuing ourselves, based upon our own views from within, rather than from without? for what it's (dare I say) worth, there is no way to calculate your value in my life - because you are irreplaceable, and you make me whole.
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