See ya 2011.......................

Wow! 2011 is coming to a close.  Time sure does fly. I have to admit I am happy to see 2011 come to an end. It has been one heck of a year- filled with super highs, extreme lows, heartbreak & joy – that being said…I so look forward to what 2012 has to offer.

Not sure about you, but around this time of year I find myself looking back over the previous year reflecting on the moments & events that shaped the year – these same moments shaped who I am…maybe even who I am becoming.   I like to think about lessons learned - good & bad.  One thing I try not to do is second guess my actions and or decisions.  There is no going back – so beating myself up for things I did or didn’t do have no use.  

2011 offered many wonderful blessings – I have a wonderful supportive sexy hubby, a daughter who brings more joy to my life than I even imagined, not one but two beautiful granddaughters (I have only seen pics of my newest one), a step son who  is figuring out how to get his life together, a new career opportunity, a beautiful home……good health, happy pets…..a good lifeJ

2011 offered many heartbreaks; I shed more tears than in previous years.  On a personal level it was a year where I allowed myself to fall thru the cracks of sorts.  A time in my life when I somehow lost track of who I am- at my most inner core.  It was almost like living outside of me – if that is possible.  The funny part is while it was happening – I knew I was off a bit – but I didn’t even realize I was doing it to myself – yes I allowed myself, even justified & encouraged myself to allow myself to treat or should I say miss-treat myself …. What’s even funnier – looking back at what transpired- when I was at my worse was when I thought all was good…..completely ignoring who I was, what I was……what I wanted or should I say what I thought I needed. What a joke.  Of course in the middle of this – I now refer to that 10 month period of my former life as sleep walking thru life wide awake…lol  

I know you are wondering what the hell?  As you know – if you have been following my blog – I had what I thought to be a very good friend – someone who I shared everything with – I thought of this gal as my best friend – we would be friends well in to our golden years……..keep in mind..being military & having to leave all my friends every time we would PCS….having & holding this friendship was very dear to me – my first real gal pal since moving to Columbus.  So you can imagine my utter shock when out of the blue her hubby calls & says the relationship is over – by the next day I was completely out of her like – as though I never existed.  Nothing.  Notta.  Zilch.

Ok OK I have heard this a million times…..we were never really friends if that’s how it is……friends don’t do friends like that…..do you really want a friend who can do that…blah blah blah……..NOW of course not she was never my friend – hell she was never even a friend to herself – in actually she must be a very sad sad gal.  I wish her no bad intentions – I hope she finds what she seeks.

As in the end or death of anything – humans need a grieving period. Thru my many tears, my anger & my hurt I have come to terms - I will admit I am still saddened by the loss & I do miss  her…….and yes I did learn a lot about people (her), friendship and most importantly about myself.

In the mitts of my self destruction – my hubby of 17 years had his own batter to fight – a battle with himself as well as with me, and of course it overflowed onto Maddie.  It was rough for a long while – angry is an ugly emotion that overflows on to everyone who comes in contact.  I am happy & proud to say Mitch is doing the hard work to get himself in check – I have a pretty good guyJ

Now as 2011 is rolling to an end I think about the person I am & the person I will become in 2012. I think about the changes I want ok need to make within myself, my family, my career, and yes my diet…lol   There are things I need to let go of and things I need to hold tight. For me 2012 is going to be that year of change – the year I make things happen………..I am going to dedicate 2012 to the year I work on becoming my true self.

Have you thought about the twists & turns in your life during 2011? Have you learned from your experiences? Are you looking towards 2012?  Who do you want to be?