Crystal Bowersox Saved By Grace

...love hate relationship with my.......

HAIR!   Yep, I said my hair.  Come on ladies we all love our hair one day then hate it the next.  For some of us, the relationship we have with our hair may be not only the longest relationship we ever have but the healthiest and most fulfilling...lol  How sad is that I ask you!

I have been thinking about my hair and what signifigance it has in my life.....I know you are thinkng doesn't this chick have better things to do than obsess about her hair.....well......to be honest I seems to be losing my lovey locks and it is driving me crazy. Its funny how we as women of a certain age start to lose our hair, the doc says it may be stress... she says try not to worry about it.....really?  Oh hell...if I am losing my hair how do I not worry about it...so what happens.....I lose even more.  I could elaborate on all that medical mumbo jumbo but for now I am just gonna move on.

I did a little research on the subject of hair...........hair was a symbol of social status and an ever-changing fashion. Anyone who knows me knows how my hair has changed over the years......lol  sometimes for the better and sometimes I have to ask myself what the hell was I thinking & why did my friends allow me to go out looking like that?!  btw......red oversized glasses????? I am at a loss...lol

We  all have an emotional connection to our hair, as is evident from the amount of time we spend taking care of it, stressing about it, worrying about losing it, coloring it, primping it, and fondling it absentmindedly. But the significance of a full head of hair is more than emotional.  Almost every culture on Earth, past and present, attach at least some social significance to hair. Hair can symbolize strength, virility, affluence, and class!

The story of Samson is perhaps the most famous in the bible when it comes to hair and its secret mystical powers. I know for a fact that hair has power.  I was a blonde for almost a year.....talk about adding a little kick to your step.  Men & women both came out of the woodwork....I was a wanted woman!

Unmarried Chinese girls’ hair was usually worn long and braided while married women combed the hair back from the face and wound into a knot at the nape. The married or unmarried status of the girl could be signified by her hair, thus avoiding any unwanted advances on married women. Chinese girls’ hair heavily influenced their value in the marriage market. A girl without long, luxurious, very black hair was not considered as good marriage material as girls with.   Thats so explains why I spent so many nights eating ice cream and watching chick flicks as a single twenty something - I had short hair! Guys always go after chicks with long hair.

Samurai would cut their hair when defeated in Medieval Japan. In Japan, cutting hair was a symbol of defeat and lost of honor. Japanese girls cut their hair when they have had their heart broken!.     I know first hand the signifigance or release a person feels when they shave their head.  After my daughter died I was in such a low I needed a release or symbol of my personal greif, so I shaved my head.

What about hair color?  My current natural hair color is Raspberry Creme...lol...at least for 28 washes...hehe  What does the coor of your hair say about you? 

In the Dark Ages, red was associated with witchcraft. Probably because the first documented natural redhead, an actual genetic error, appeared in Scotland about this time. Queen Elizabeth gave regal red its proper place in history when her auburn tresses were imitated to reflect royal class.

Blonde has always been considered the most alluring to men. Roman law decreed that yellow or blonde was to be worn by "women of the night," perhaps the first indication that blondes were having more fun.

Centuries later when bleaches were developed, Hollywood's blonde bombshells put the angelic image to rest and created the blonde "bad girl" who is synonymous with sexy.

While brunettes, who make up more than 60 percent of the population, never got the reputation or social attention that blondes

So what is your emotional connection to your  hair?  At this point I just hope my hair hangs around long enough to build a solid longlasting fulfilling relationship with me!

Personal truth.........

I could list a million reasons why I have not blogged in months, but why bother? I just haven't.

I have been going thru somewhat of a transformation if you will.  At this point I am not clear if its a good thing or a bad thing.  One thing I do know is that it kinda sucks. Some days I am emotionally bankrupt, I experience extreme lows, can't stop the  tears.  However most days I put  on some red lipstick and  that bra that makes the girls look perky (come on ladies - we all have a great bra that makes our boobies look awesome)  throw on a pair of hot heels  and actually convince mysef that I am ok.

 I have blamed it on menopause.....oh yes I said it.  I am at that age when I can blame everything from mood swings to high taxes on menapause...lol  Although my doc likes to refer to it as "Perimenopause"....thats the stage just leading up to the real bitchines.....now that will be something to blog about!  But I am just not sure .....whats going on.  One thing I know for sure is its time face or should I say identify my oun personal truth.

Personal truth...is what we really believe about ourselves when no one else is looking or listening.  Its what we truely believe about ourselves at our core.   Hummmm........makes ya think.  I wonder if others see me as I see myself?  Do you ever ask yourself that question?

How do I get in touch with the real me? Who is that real me I long for?  Is it that 16 yr old girl with no cares in nthe world?  Or that 22 yr old woman who thought she had the world by a tail? Could the real me have been the 27 yr old druggie looking for my next buzz?  Or maybe the 32 yr old woman dealing with the  devestating loss of a child? Could be the the 33 yr old mother who devoted her life to a precious newborn baby? Or is the real me the 48 yr old I see in the mirror...the one who's refection I can not reconize. The one I ask who are you?  What happened to me? But that gal in the mirror never says a word.   Again.....what is my personal truth?  How do I find the true me?

I think......

To be true to ones self you need to be  consciously aware of your real feelings. Ask yourself how you really feel about the situation, the comment, the non-verbal communication, the action - no matter what it is, ask yourself how you feel about it. Then, admit your feelings to yourself. (me - I just suck it up, feel hurt, and usually cry alone or better yet - just smile and say everything is fine)

 Once you admit your feelings to yourself, and honor them, rather than judge them,( I guess that means I should'nt run from my feelings or hide from them......even though it has worked for me thus far - NOT)  you will set the dynamic of self truth into motion. Once you are always true to yourself, you become your own best friend.  Ok so that sound good......but I think being honest with myself is so much harder than being honest with others. 

If you are true to yourself and honor your feelings, how you choose to behave then becomes a conscious choice. Once you choose to either go with what you like or refuse to tolerate what you do not like, you are changing the dynamic of the relationship.(Such a hard thing for me to do- I know I know - me the one with such a big mouth just sucks it up & swallows my feelings......what happened to me?) If you choose to not engage in anything that is self depreciating, if you choose to only allow people in your deeply personal life who are supportive,   rather than abusive, this choice that you make changes the dynamics of your relationship. Only allow positive and life enhancing people and behaviors in your life. Remember it is always your choice.

I for one have alot of things to work on.....I am a work in progress.  Its not what happens in our life, its what we say to ourselves about what happenes.   We generate the results in our life we believe we deserve. If you have a damaged personal truth you are gonna generate results that match.

  Do you have a damaged personal truth ?