.....right now I am riding shot gun on 90 somewhere in NY heading home from a whirlwind visit to VT. ...on the ride home I have had time to reflect on the trip....the feelings leading up to the trip as well as the uproar of emotions experienced during the visit. Its funny how no matter how old we are when we go home to family we are that insecure child all over again....I know when I visit my family in Ohio I have a sense of security & comfort among the familiar.....some people have spent their entire lives surrounded by their family be it their parents, siblings and relatives...I started off my adult like in the same area I grew up...seeing my family on a daily basis....didn’t give it a thought.....now many years later I have grown to have a greater appreciation for family......we have lived our lives for the last 19 yrs apart from family.....there is a major difference in knowing your family in their everyday lives & only really knowing them on short visits now & then.
...we all create this image or perception of who we think people are...I am sure that is because of previous interactions..and or comments.....but just as I have changed...others do as well....so at some point we have to adjust our perception...open our eyes..listen with an open mind & open heart and hear what is being said without judgment. At what point in our lives are we really and willing to open ourselves up to others..to their ideas..their thoughts..their fears? I have to say I think there are many many people..myself included who feel they are open to others...but in actuality they are not....at some point we have to be able to see farther than ourselves to feel & understand others feelings.....I am proud to say after many years of denial...resentment & sadness....I am there....its been a long emotional road...life is way to short to be any other way but open..loving & authentic.
...my relationship with my extended family has been somewhat distant....emotional distant...reasons...not really sure & at this point ..does it really matter..NO...what matters is that I re-discovered what I always knew but never was open to or allowed.....I am truly blessed by a wonderful caring extended family......who have welcomed me with open arms many times.....but due to my self absorbed attitude I was never really open to their love & acceptance....what a waist of time on my part.
...I have yet to figure out what was so different about this trip...actually the difference was me...I opened the door to a better connection of sorts...an understanding....an acceptance.....most importantly a closeness & openness ......it’s a great feeling....I can only hope they too feel as I do.....
..it has been a year of pain..change and most importantly of growth within each of us.....coming to terms to what is real in our lives...what is important....how we create our own heartache...antartd happiness....I do believe the relationship between kids & their parents no matter how old or mature or experience we think we are is sometimes a difficult one....the choice is ours...do we allow it to fester....or do we open a line of communication..shed a few tears and laughs and create a new more mutually fulfilling relationship.....we (hubby, daughter & myself) chose to open ourselves up to a beautiful new relationship with our family.
We enjoyed VT & our family more than ever – Thank you ALL! We love you ALL!