...rockin the "chubkini"

.....it has taken me 52+ years to finally….ok…almost…come to terms with the fact that I am a full figured curvy kinda gal……I have come to a point in my life where I have to ask myself….do I want to be happy & healthy…or obsess every day stressing over what the scale says………the facts are that I will never have a flat stomach again….unless of course I hit the lotto & get a tummy tuck…highly unlikely…lol ……the days of the  perky bJJbies…gone….... …..my butt will always be flat…and yes a little flabby……what is it that they say…more movin for the grovin…….such is life……

…as a full figured curvy kinda gal…..there are so many negatives ingrained in our psyche…..when it comes to fashion…I have always ask the question..”…does this make me look fat?”……..I can remember being in my teens…20’s…30’s….even 40’s & 50’s……asking that same question…..what the f&%$?!  Talk about an internal conversation that has screwed me up long before I even realized…my self-deprecation started long ago & has continued a lifetime……

…. the whole idea about fashion is to wear things that make you feel good….make you feel empowered…..confident…..the main objective….. or question shouldn’t be….do I look fat?!....the better question is…do I feel good?......it has taken me what seems like forever ….and I admit it is still at  times a struggle with my internal language of self-destruction…..medicating myself by wearing only loose fitting clothes that cover up & hide my body…..that being said…I do have days when I feel like a million bucks…I feel sexy…confident & put together……hard to imagine when it’s the same body…..

…..it’s no secret…fat phobia exists everywhere….open a fashion magazine…..turn the tv on…..its in your face & then some….we live in a world that being fat is not only distasteful but unattractive…the war on obesity lives on….if I wanna have a couple doughnuts in the morning w/ my coffee I will…..my weight is NOT an indicator of my intelligence ( my spelling shows that – HA! Ha!)…or beauty……I refuse to believe that I am unlovable…unattractive ..or less than because I carry a little extra padding!

…..all that being said…..I got this wild head up my ass idea that I wanted to sport a 2pc swim suit……..affectionately known as a “chubkini”…..ya see lots of plus size ladies looking sexy in their “chubkinis”…why not me….hell yea…why not me…..I could so rock a “chubkini”…..a high- waisted “chubkini” that is…..I think…..maybe…oh hell to the yes!   So I bought me a two piece high-wasted “chubkini”…..my “chubkini” sat in my drawer for a few weeks……..one because all it did was rain..rain ..and rain some more for a few weeks….and two……I forgot I had it..lol…a sure sign I have way toooo much stuff!

….on one of the first hot sunny days…I slapped on my new “chubkini”…..looked in the mirror….not too bad……of course that was gonna be the first time my belly had seen the light of day in decades…lol…but by God I marched “chubkini” wearing self  right out to the pool….crawled right up that ladder & into the pool…..I owned that “chubkini”…hell yes I did!  Floating around feeling fab in my 2 pc…..and my movie star sun glasses…..of course…I did what I always do…I took a nap ……..weeeelll…lets just say…that belly of mine that hadn’t seen the sun in decades….HOT DAMN is an understatement….lets just say it took a few days of aloe to cool that Budda belly down…..lol

.... I am sporting the “chubkini” like a pro....I have wore it w/ pride in front of friends & family......I am owning it & I feel damn good!