It’s
so hard to believe my 49th year is almost at an end. I find
myself looking forward to all that 2013 has to offer. I keep secretly
telling myself to keep my chin up and get through the last few weeks of 2012
with GRACE…believe me some days are harder than others. 2012 has
definitely been very humbling not to mention heartbreaking at times. It
has also been a year of new beginning and so many changes, some hellos &
many good byes…. some good & some not so good…but thru is all I have this
glimmer of hope – a feeling that good things are on the way…right around the
corner….I just know it.
I
am truly blessed by family, friends & health. I am not complaining at
all….I am thankful for what I have been given…..I try to live with gratitude,
I try not to get lost in my (for lack of a better word) disappointment….that’s
kinda harsh…..Let me clarify…I am disappointed with the circumstances not
my/our lives. Financially our lives did a major nose dive after
Mitch was let go….his office decided to go in a direction that left him &
several of his collogues outta work.
Yes,
we did know it was coming and no matter how mentally & financially you
think you are prepared – you aren’t...not at all. To add insult to
injury…Mitch found out the one thing that he has worked so hard to achieve
& maintain…his TSS had expired because his previous employer didn’t feel it
necessary to submit the required paperwork in a timely manner because he was
not working on a project that required it…what crap is that? So now
almost 11months later….he is still waiting for the TSS. And at this point
in his career & our lives….that TSS is our golden ticket. For him it is a
very frustrating waiting game…..but as we do know..this too will pass…we just
hope it happens sooner than later.
My GI Joe hubby has transformed himself into a Mr. Mom since he
has been spending so much time at home. It’s great - he does laundry,
vacuums, and has dinner on the table when I walk in the door. As great as it is
having him home I am so ready for life to return to normal – for several;
reasons…the most important Mitch’s sanity. I have to give him
credit – for the last year or so he has been doing the tough mental &
emotional work needed to learn to deal with his anger issues. It has not
been easy for him…or me…but I am proud to say he is doing it. Kudos to Mitch.
My
crowning glory in 2012 as in every year since 1996 is hands down – my daughter
Madison. Being Maddie’s mom brings me more joy than I ever thought
possible…yes there are those days when she drives me crazy as I am sure I drive
her nuts….but that’s all in the fun & complex relationship called
mothers & daughters. I am amazed on a daily basis how truly
beautiful Maddie is on the inside as well as the outside. She is such a
gentle old soul with compassion…she is also a head strong, very intelligent
young lady who is well on her way to greatness.
In
this past year Maddie has accomplished so much, she is now a sophomore in high
school….seems like only yesterday I was holding her in my arms….when they say
time flies – oh are they right! Maddie started the school year playing on
the tennis team with assorted injuries she was happy to see the season come to
an end. I do think at this point it is safe to say Maddie has decided to
hang up her tennis racket for the rest of her high school years & focus on
her studies and of course the school newspaper. Journalism is Maddie’s
passion – she wants to be a writer someday – which I have no doubt she will
accomplish it. This year Maddie landed a spot as the news editor for The
Reporter - she finds great joy in sharing her stories….not to mention
being in charge…lol…she is her mother’s daughter after all.
2012
was a pivotal year for Maddie…she turned Sweet 16 and designed her own class
right. I see Maddie developing into this force to be reckoned with &
I am so impressed by her. As I said before – maddie is destine for great
things. Of course at 16 there is a rite of passage per say….it’s time to learn
to drive. I think like Maddie – Mitch & I are excited, nervous & thrilled
all at the same time. No doubt she will do fine.
My
step son Trayel….who I am very proud of & has given us 2 beautiful
granddaughters tied the knot this year to a wonderful young lady who is also a
sailor. Her name is Jennifer & after meeting her I could not be happier
– she is a very intelligent down to earth young lady who has it all going
on. I wish them both much love & happiness. I look forward to getting
to know Jennifer & hope they have lost more grandbabies in the future…if
that’s what they want.
My
granddaughters….I am ashamed to say I have not been active in their
lives. I do love & adore them & I could of course excuse it by
saying they live so far away…but that’s not the deal….they both bring such joy
to our lives & we do miss seeing them ….I think…I know I for one have been
so self consumed by the many changes in our life that I just kinda didn’t
cultivate a better relationship with either. I am going to rectify that
& one of my many goals for 2013 is to secure that bond & relationship
with both little girls.
Talking
about my family would not be complete without mentioning the four legged family
members….and one three legged red head..lol Cleo the Queen Bee
of the house is now 18yrs old…I am not sure how old that is in cat years but
she is still a bit feisty from time to time. After her brother Max passed
2yrs ago Cleo seems to have come out of her shell so to speak…she is way more
friendly than ever. But the reality is that she is aging & our goal is to
keep her happy & healthy as possible for as long as possible. After all she
is a Queen!
Our big boy Cinder short for “Cinderella” is almost 13yrs old
and is really starting to display signs of old age. He has been a very
loyal & trustworthy buddy for all of us, I am sorry to say we may have to
make a decision sooner than later….we do not want him to suffer. We all
love & adore him – we all will be devastated when Cinder passes, I
especially worry about Maddie. Cinder was her 4th birthday gift –
the bond her & Cinder have is unbreakable – he loves her more than anything
as does she loves him. It will be a very sad day for all. As I tell
Maddie – we need to celebrate Cinder’s life with happy, loving memories. He is
the best fella out there.
Last but not least is our three legged red head girl pup Maggie
Mae. Mag-Pie joined out family 2 yrs ago, she has been such a joy.
She has such a loving, affectionate disposition we could not have asked for a
better pup.
Maggie started out following me around everywhere….but since our
roles have changed & I am outta of the house everyday & Mitch is home –
Maggie has decided she is a daddy’s girl….yep she is such a trader…..he spoils
her rotten….she even sleeps with us. LOL There is no doubt that
when Cinder passes Maggie will be there to comfort all of us, she will be our
rock. I often wonder if that is truly the reason she came into our
lives…after all…..how many adoptive dogs are there on the internet……and she was
the one we found…kinda makes ya wonder. Did we save her or was the plan for her
to save us?
2012
has been a crazy year for me as well. I have had emotional lows and a few
highs……illnesses…depression and just plain old fashion lack of give a shit……..I
started out 2012 with chronic sore throats that turned into strep throat each
month for the first 4 months of the year….then after a blood test they
determined I had a step infection in my blood….so bring on the
drugs. I also started on a low dosage of Zoloft…..to take the edge
off……lol….not sure it it works or not….lol. Then of course the Big “M”
showed its ugly head..yes you know it – menopause……I have to say the
human body is an amazing thing – however let me just say…..the side effects of
menopause are a trip and believe me I am not talking as in trip the
light fantastic. Lol
My periods are wracked…some months extremely heavy while other
months hardly anything….sometimes I have a cycle 2 or 3 times a month ….then
there are those ones that last and last & last…..my boobies are
sagging…..my belly is getting rounder….we are not even gonna mention the size
of my ass…..getting older sure does do a number on your body….of course lack of
exercise, eating junk & drinking alcohol don’t’ really do anything to
assist in the anti-aging process…lol Damnit!
I am really not complaining about getting older – I actually am
embracing the fact that I turn 50 this year….I will be fabulous at 50!
I have decided to do 50 things fir my 50th year…things I have never
done or experienced before…oh yes some are completely off the wall, some are
romantic, so are just downright crazy…..but I plan to make my way thru my
list by 5/20/2014! Just so you have some idea what I plan to accomplish
my 50th year – here is my list…..
1.
Eat healthy
2.
Exercise regularly
3.
Run/walk in a 5K
4.
Dance in the rain
5.
Color my hair some wacked out color
6.
Walk naked on a beach
7.
Do a road trip with the girls
8.
See the Mall of America
9.
Zip line
10. Visit
CA
11.
White water rafting
12.
Donate blood
13.
Climb a rock wall
14.
Ride a horse
15.
Go to a drive in theater
16.
Spend a whole day in bed
17.
Get a tattoo
18.
Get rid of the negativity in my life
19.
Send a message in a bottle
20. Feel
beautiful
21.
Risqué photo shoot
22. Feel
comfortable in a swimsuit
23. Flash
someone
24. Gamble in
Vegas
25. Shoot a
gun
26. Have
breakfast in bed
27. Smash a
pie in someone’s face
28. Take a vow
of silence for 1 whole day
29. Pole dance
class
30. Road trip
with no destination
31. Receive
Chocolates on Valentine’s Day
32. Put
together a family cookbook
33. Give a
homeless person a Xmas gift
34. Have sex
in public
35. Receive an
edible arrangement
36. Go camping
37. Kiss in
the rain
38. Ride a
mechanical bull
39. Go
shopping without a budget
40. Run in the
rain naked
41. Swim in
the ocean naked
42. Walk on a
nude beach
43. Volunteer
at a soup kitchen
44. Organize
my entire house
45. Thrift
store fashion challenge
46. Be
creative
47. Read 12
books
48. Random
acts of kindness
49. Do a
mother daughter trip w/ Maddie
50. Do a
romantic weekend getaway w/ Mitch
My 2012 …. wakeup call…..to make a long story short – after
spending some time in the hospital & having a come to Jesus conversation
with my doctor..turns out I have very high blood pressure & I have to take
it serious. It took me awhile to wrap my head around it…I thought I could
control my bp with my food intake…although I do think controlling what foods I
eat can be a definite plus….until I get the numbers under control I have to
accept taking meds.
2012 was a year of relationship adjustments…ok more like
re-adjustments lol I started off the year trying to make sense of a
friendship gone astray…the sense of grief & betrayal was somewhat
overwhelming at times, now almost a year later I still don’t understand,
however I do accept it – I try to only think about the fun times we shared…..no
way am I gonna focus on the crap…just not healthy.
(When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is
usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come
to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support,
to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a
godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then,
without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person
will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they
die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to
take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire
fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it
is now time to move on.)
(When people come into your life for a SEASON,
it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you
an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have
never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It
is real! But, only for a season.)
I lost touch with a few old friends & some family members
who I dearly miss…one of my goals for 2013 is to reconnect & stay in touch.
There again, I am not sure why or how I allowed the friendships fall to the
wayside…maybe life got too busy or I just got lazy. It is what it is…it’s
gonna improve in 2013.
I reconnected with some old friends. I am truly blessed by
their friendship – they are like family to us. They are my lifetime
friends. We so enjoyed their visits this past summer. Having
them at our home is such a comfy feeling, just to sit around and enjoy each
other’s company; sense of humor & chit chat is such a blessing. We
defiantly hit the jack pot when they walked into our lives. Next summer
we plan to visit all of our friends in CA – on their turf. So looking
forward to it.
(LIFETIME relationships teach you
lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid
emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people
(anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and
areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is
clairvoyant. – Author Unknown
A few new friends entered my life in 2012. It is always a
treat to meet people who you truly connect with on many levels. People who seem
to be on the same page as yourself, who understand & accept you just as you
are. I have to say my new friends have added much needed joy &
laughter to 2012. As time passes I am sure our friendship will grow into
a lifetime relationship.
As I look forward to 2013 I can’t help but
think about turning 50 …. A decade of transition in so many ways…I welcome it
with open arms, open heart & open mind. Yes I know….getting
older plays havoc in many ways….. bodily changes, menopause ends the
childbearing years, gray hairs; changes in vision & of course…if it
hasn’t already…. gravity takes its toll… necks sag, stomachs bulge, breasts
droop, faces wrinkle, underarms swing, waists thicken and knees and back ache,
skin loses its elasticity. .Damn…why is it that I am looking forward to
this milestone called 50?? lol Damned if I knowJ
In a few more years I will experience an empty nest…of course I
think I will be 53…lol…I so look forward to Maddie going off to college, to
make her own way in the world…..however….it’s depressing to imagine life
without Maddie at home.. But in the long run I bet the freedom will be
exhilarating, providing an opportunity to try something new such as a career
change, going back to school, or downsizing and moving to a new location. Which
is exactly the plan…..
Turning 50 - the infamous
"midlife crisis,". (some would say I hit my mid life crisis years –
yes if you truly know me then you know I am a nut case …in a good
way….sometimes in an even better way..LOL) I am driven by the opportunity
to change or improve aspects of my life that I have been less than thrilled
about over the years…..turning 50 is certainly momentous, but it doesn't have
to be portentous. It is going to be a time in which I can evaluate what's
important and what's not, and decide if, where and when change is needed. So
looking forward to me at 50. I figure I have 10 yrs…a decade to get me
right…lol
As I think about 2012 coming to an end….all
I can think about is what wonderful opportunities 2013 will offer. Big
changes & huge opportunities are right around the corner..I can feel it in
my bones. You know some years ask us the hard questions & some years
provide the answers……it is yet to be seen which one describes 2012.
Time will tell.
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